Sacred Stones Scripted
by CheeseFromJupiter
Summary: As punishment for everything they did, the vilains of The Sacred Stones have to act out the story from start to finish. But with a small budget, a shaky script from Innes and people stepping all over their lines, it just got worse.
1. Chapter 1

**Scene the First: Ye Olde Prologue**

Lots and lots of evildoers stood in front of the judge.

The first was a disgusting, filthy, shrunken old man who went by the name of Riev. Although he was a bishop, a wielder of light magic, he enjoyed, for the larger portion of the second war of the stones, nothing more than commanding several dark creatures, a glass of fine wine, long walks on the beach and a good book.

Standing on his left was perhaps the most beautiful of Vigarde's generals, Valter.

"What?" The blonde next to Valter screeched. "No! _I_ am the most beautiful of Vigarde's generals! I, Selena, fluorspar!"  
By this time, the jury was is such a muddle at the sheer controversy at the thought of Selena being more beautiful than Valter, the judge had to take a MINT EDITION PWN-ING HAMMER out of the box and slam it down on the table, shouting; "Order! Order! I said ORDER, you little rapscallions!"

Soon, there was order again.  
So, as I was saying:

Standing on his left was perhaps the most beautiful of Vigarde's generals, Valter. His dark blue hair rolled down his back, and he turned and winked at his girlfriend, his fan girl and his high school sweet heart/prom date. The appropriate names for these, though, were his wyvern, that man who rakes through their bins every night, and his mother.

"Call me." He said, giving them a sly wave and delighting them with his saucy banter.  
"Order, order." The judge repeated, shaking his head oh so slightly and turning to face the next culprit. "Selena, the fluorspar."  
"I'm innocent!" Selena snapped. "I was afraid Vigarde would dump me if I didn't do it!"  
"You were dating Vigarde?" Valter exclaimed, his eyes widening. "But- But that can't be! _I _was dating Vigarde!"  
"You bitch!" Valter's wyvern screamed, walking over and opening a can of whoop ass on Valter.  
"**Noooo**!" Valter bellowed, clutching at the side where he had gotten a mouth full of claws. "My face! My beautiful, beautiful face! I'm scarred for life!"  
"Finally!" Selena snarled happily, a mad glint in her eyes. "I am the most beautiful in all of the army!"  
"_Actually_," Riev said, studying the wyvern lord's cheek. "It doesn't appear to be all that bad. It'll probably just bruise."  
"Aw poop." Selena said sadly.  
"Order, order." The judge whimpered. He was beginning to tired of this lot. Why were no strippers ever accused? "Bring in the next accused!"  
The doors were flung open, and in strode… him. The grand Pooh-Bah. The dark lord. The demon king.  
"omfg so totaly SHIBBY!1oneoneeleven!" The mass of fan girls screamed.  
Valter's wyvern started off towards the Demon King/Lyon, before turning to him and saying, "I'm moving on."  
"Rosemary!" Valter screamed. "Noooo!"  
"You bitch, my name's Ron." The wyvern snapped.  
"Ha ha!" Riev laughed, pointing. "You dated a man."  
"He dated his _wyvern._" Selena stated, staring at him.  
"Hey!" Valter snapped. "At least I _had_ a lover!"  
Selena looked close to tears. "I.. think I'm gonna go and eat a tonne of chocolate now." She whispered tearfully, before running out of the court room, sobbing.  
"What..? Where did the guards go?" The judge asked, before he spotted them piled on top of the Demon King. "Oh."  
"Has the jury came to a verdict here?" Riev moaned. "My feet are getting tired. And I looked at a brightly coloured child and hurt my eyes."  
"Yes we have!" Innes said, standing up from the crowd. "I never knew jury duty could be so much fun! Anyhow, we've come up with an entertaining, creative way of punishing you. We've oh so spiffily made a script that you have to follow, based loosely on the second war of the stones. You might have to share, sorry."  
The crowd gathered round the script.  
"On the first line Eirika says, 'omg I love Innes so much and I want to marry him cuz he's so awesomely cool and stuff.'" Selena pointed out.  
"When did you- never mind." Valter began, but stopped.  
"Why do _I _have to play _Eirika_?" Riev exclaimed.  
"You let emotions run free in your talking." A man said, appearing seemingly out of nowhere. "I think that's important when playing a young woman in Eirika's position. Hi, Klaus Belignion, director."  
"You're aweird man." Riev said.


	2. Yaf! Id! Puma!

**Chapter ye Firste: The Fall of Renais and an Escape**

It was a splendiferous day at Renais castle, where the first few scenes of the Grado warriors reproduction was to be produced, dubbed The Sacreder Stones by the writer.

"Now, does anyone have a problem with their parts?" Innes asked, with an air of importance around him. And he is important. Because he's a prince.

"You haven't given us them yet." Selena said. She was obviously very bored, and she was fanning herself with her script.  
"Yes, well." Innes said, before taking out a piece of paper. "Until we get these scenes filmed, I'm depriving you of sleep!"  
"It's one o' clock in the afternoon." Riev pointed out, walking up behind Selena.  
"No sleep!" Innes shouted angrily. "Now here are you're parts for these scenes." He cleared his throat, before continuing. "Eirika will be played by Riev. The King of Renais will be played by Valter. Selena will play Seth. Valter and Lyon will play the bandits. Now all of you, changed now!"  
As the villains were rushed into a separate tent to change, Innes quickly got himself out of his normal clothes and into a pair of baggy trousers, a smart shirt, sunglasses and a beret. To complete the look of a professional director, he quickly took out a felt tip pen and scribbled a moustache onto his face.  
Unfortunately, as his hair is grey and his pen was blue, it didn't really match. Though it did look cool.

Riev, Valter and Lyon faced the back of the tent, covering their eyes.  
"Are you done yet, Selena?" Riev muttered. "I've still to work out how to put on Eirika's dress."  
"I'm just… I'm almost…" Selena mumbled. She was having a hard time putting Seth's heavy armour.

Valter patted Lyon's shoulder, before saying quietly. "Come on, lets turn around."  
"But…" Lyon said, taking one hand off his eye to glare at the general. "She's not ready yet."  
"Yes she is." Valter replied, grinning and giving Lyon a playful punch. "This is just a little game women play. They pretend they're not ready, but secretly they've been ready for ages!"  
"Really? That's what they do?"

"Of course!" Valter smiled evilly. "Of course."  
"Well, okay then!" He said, turning round, only to be knocked unconscious from Selena's boot.  
"Perverts…" She muttered.

And lo, eventually, the wonderful gift of time span its web and soon the characters were almost ready. Innes, however, passed the hour by playing Scrabble on his laptop.

His first set of letters were I, N, N, E, and S. So, rather tentatively, he put the word Innes in. However, the laptop buzzed and a message flashed across the screen, saying, "Word 'innes' is not acceptable".  
He stared, and watched as the computer opponent played it's turn.  
"Yaf." Innes said, reading the word on the screen. "What the—YAF is NOT a word!"  
He got the same letters again, so he entered Innes in, to see if the first time could possibly be a mistake.

"Word 'innes' is not acceptable" It repeated.  
He snarled at it, watching it play it's turn.  
"Id?" He growled. "Id isn't a word! Stop making up words!"  
He played his shot, then glared at the laptop.  
"PUMA?" He shouted. "Didn't I just tell you to stop making up words!"  
"Computer says nooooo." The computer said, in a very Little Britain way.  
"Why you! I'll have you beheaded! BEHEADED, I say!" Innes screamed, before throwing the portable PC out of the window.  
"Innes!" Tana said, coming up from behind. "Why ever did you do that?"  
"It kept making up words!" The young Frelian prince said. "Id and yaf and puma!"  
"Those _are_ words!" Tana shouted angrily.  
"Yeah, sure sista." Innes replied, rolling his eyes. "Whatever you say…"

Oh yes! I admit it! I made up the word puma(but yaf and id are real words.)!


End file.
